Extension vs. Projection

We are born with a mind but no ego. Ego is created by the experiences we have as we grow during our “formative years”. The ego is a road map or strategy we develop that allows us to negotiate our external environment safely – at least from our own personal perspective.

Our experiences drive our beliefs and our beliefs drive our actions or behaviors or how we execute in particular situations. The actions/behaviors/execution result in outcomes.

If our experience in a particular situational environment is perceived to be negative we react in terms of “projection”. In other words, we “project” the situation or individual to be external or foreign to ourselves and react in fear through “fight or flight” or by setting up defenses against them/it.

If we perceive the situation/individual as neutral (neither positive nor negative), we will either be ambivalent toward them/it or see how we can use it/him/her to our best advantage.

If our experience or individual is perceived to be positive, we react in terms of “extension”. We view the situation or individual as an extension of ourselves, the way we want to be or the way we see ourselves. We can identify or become engaged with it. We react out of love (as opposed to “fear”) and embrace it. The way we might “love” to shop or play golf. In our reading we may “love” a John Grisham novel or what Stephen Covey has to say about business. We love our children, our spouse or close friends. We are totally engrossed. We become one with the activity, ideas or relationship.

To view life by projection is like a rose bush which has a flower that holds distain for the root because it labors in the dirt, fears the thorn because of its point, takes the stem for granted because it’s always there doing its job and holds the leaf to great expectations for gathering sunlight and moisture to support the flower’s glory.

The flower, the root, the stem and the leaf all know they are the rose bush and manifestation of the same clear sap that runs through the entire plant. They are all an extension of the sap. They execute according to the strategy that nature built into the plant to be a rose.

So What…
In business, viewing and ranking employees by projection we talk about “bottom feeders”, “good steady workers” or “high potentials”. No matter how good they may get or what improvements they may make, if one is in a position to evaluate and rank them and does it from projection s/he will still see the employees as separate from him/her self.
In Ram Charan and Larry Bossidy best selling book Execution they say the number one Building Block of “The Leader’s Seven Essential Behaviors” is “Know Your People and Your Business”. “Leaders have to live their businesses.” That includes their employees. They have to see the entire business as an extension of themselves. “In companies that don’t execute, the leaders are usually out of touch with the day-to-day realities.” And further, “They aren’t engaged with the business, so they don’t know their organizations comprehensively, and their people really don’t know them.” They have a projected view of their business. They view it as something out side of themselves that they “manage”.

If we view clients from a “projection” perspective they are separate from us. They are objects, vehicles, a means to an end or in some cases barriers or obstructions in the way of our achieving our goals. If the client gets the notion that the transaction is about your goals, your success, the company’s bottom line or anything other than the client’s own self interests he/she will dig their heals in and begin to resist. They will take a “projection” view of you. If you think you can fool the client into believing you are interested in them by telling/selling them the features and benefits of products and services then you are only fooling yourself. Even if the separation is not in your words it will be in your emotions or your body language. Like the old rock group Eagles’ songs says, “You can’t hide those lying eyes.”

If we view our clients from an “extension” perspective they are human beings just like ourselves. We see them as an extension of ourselves and treat them like we like to be treated. It’s easy to our children as an extension of ourselves. It’s much more difficult to see a stranger as an extension of our self. However, if we go back far enough or dig deeply enough (much like “6 Degrees of Separation”) we’ll find that we really are all part of the same “clear sap” of humanity just like the various parts or the rose plant are all a manifestation of the clear sap of the plant. The only things different are the early experiences we had and used to construct our egos.

Rather than selling and telling we need to be asking and listening to discover our client’s agenda. We need to develop a sincere appreciation for their perspective of reality so we can uncover their real needs. Let the client know that we see what they see and feel what they feel. David Sandler says, “People like to buy from people like themselves.” Well that’s who you are. You need to live like it.

Selling then develops into an act of consulting with trust and integrity at stake. This means you can’t fake it. You must truly have your client’s agenda and best interests in mind because they are also yours. Judy McKee of McKee Consulting says, “Never make the customer wrong or stupid”. If you view the world by extension you would never do that because in making the customer wrong or stupid you make yourself wrong or stupid. How smart is it to adhere to your ego’s code of protection and lose a relationship.

And by the way, the late Bob Moawad, founder of the Edge Learning Institute use to say, “Any time you’re face to face, eye ball to eyeball, belly button to belly button, knee cap to knee cap, toe to toe with any other human being on any topic – you’re selling.” Think of that the next time you’re having a “discussion” with a significant other.

I Not A Swab

Over the years I've picked up on some things that I'd like to share in this blog. The deep insights, as you will see, come mostly from kids. I'll ad lib with some of my own mundane thoughts along the way.
"I Not A Swab! I Onyee Yook Yike A Swab." Is the title of a book I always wanted to write. Each chapter was going to begin with a story about something one of our kids said when they were too young to care what others thought or to allow their egos to get in the way. The thoughts in this blog were taken largely from the material I was collecting for the book.
Years ago Art Linkletter wrote a book called, "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" based on the innocent comments of youngsters. They may be innocent comments but because children are unencumbered by the need to protect a tender self-esteem or impress anyone, their little comments usually contain more than a kernel of truth.
Kids are not interested in excuses. They are the first to demand Personal Accountability, Honesty, Trust, Love and Execution. They set high expectations.
They are also:
Authentic, Not afraid to show emotion, Passionate, Creative, Spontaneous, Possessed of great humor, Dependable, Trusting, Curious, Honest, Understanding, Faith-filled, Persistent, Transparent, Possessed of high self-esteem and Assume no blame or judgement.

So What?
Aren't these also the qualities we'd like to see in our leaders - at home, in work and in the political arena? Are the folks you look to for guidance, direction, maintenance, support, etc. on a daily basis Honest and Authentic? Can you Trust what they say based on what they do? Are they Engaged and Passionate about their lives, their work and their families?
Do they have a Sense of Humor about who they are and what they do? Or do they take themselves and their situations too seriously?
Are they Dependable, Creative, Persistent and all the other adjectives mentioned above attributed to children? And do they have an underlying Spirituality; an acknowledgment that there is an intelligence, a consciousness - whatever you want to call it - greater than and outside of them self?
'Cause ya know what? Those are the ingredients for great Leadership.
Even kids recognize it.